So I'm going to keep working on this one, I think. Just see where it goes. I'm loosely following the journey of the hero (which is what Duke will be talking about most of the time), and yeah that's about it.
Duke is into traditional pirate stories, Blackbeard,
Robert Louis Stevenson, Pirate talk, etc.
He’s also superstitious. He’s
pursuing a life in pirating in subversion of his parents plans. He’s going to get college credit for the
trip, and is supposed to be conducting fieldwork but is lazy about it. He ends up on the looking post most of the
time because Captain is afraid of heights.
The Captain insists on making his own rules on the
sea. He was an extremely unsuccessful businessman
with a broken family on the land, and although he spent most of his adult life
on ships as a cargo man he has only recently decided he’s a Captain. For years, he’s referred to himself as
one. It’s a dream, but as they say, a
dream that comes easy has little value.
Don Works in the cargo hold. He has a iffy past, and is a bit of a man of
mystery. He doesn’t even like to set
foot on deck because he’s afraid he’ll be identified remotely. He’s searching for the fountain of youth, or
a desert oasis, or a beautiful island to live on. He also wouldn’t mind coming back a
millionaire. Also, he’s under the
impression the Captain is a much better Captain than he actually is.
Accountant Was looking for a quick route to
Moltenegro, where he believes there’s a fortune to be made in cane sugar. He’s an old friend of The Captain’s, and is
embezzling money.
Captain: Duke what do
you see out there?
Duke: You know, it’s
pretty dark. I can’t make heads or tails
out of it. Just looks like a dark fog.
Captain: Yeah I know
it’s dark braniac.
Duke: Why don’t you
just look yourself?
Captain: Duke, I’ve
told you a million times not to address me that way. I am your captain. The Captain.
Charles and Doris are playing some old person card game
Charles: Give the boy
a break, a power trip won’t ingratiate you to anyone on this ship.
Captain: Charles,
stay out of this. Do you want to get
land or not? That’s what I thought,
Charles. Shut up, Charles.
Duke: Hold on, look,
a light is flashing out there.
Captain: Where?
Duke: See, way out
there.
Captain: That’s
probably just a buoy or maybe a… what light?
Duke: That’s funny,
it went out.
Captain: Gimme
that. (camera switches to his zoomed in
view) There’s nothing out there,
Duke. (sighs) Thank you for your service, keep an eye on the
sea.
Duke: Aye aye,
captain.
Captain: No one says
that, Duke. Goddamn it Duke, we were
going to end the night on a good note and everything.
(He checks out food parlor)
Captain: No midnight
snack for me… Cured beef!
Old cook lady bursts in
Florence: Captain,
we’re on a strict regimen! (knocks it
out of his hand)
Captain: What good is
it going to do anyone in the middle of the floor?
Florence: Captain,
you’ve had us sailing in circles for nigh on two weeks. I have 3 grandbibbies at home, wondering
where there woman is at. If there’s any
luck, Charles hasn’t got himself sick and in bed again.
Captain: Charles, best
thing that happened to him was marrying you. If he worked as hard as you you wouldn’t
even have to be here.
Florence: Flattery
will get you nowhere, Captain. And
another thing, how do you even intend to pay us?
Captain: Would you
keep it down, morale is low enough as it is!
I don’t need a mutiny! If we
don’t find land and reach that treasure, I’ll pay you out of my private
collection, how’s that?
Captain goes to office of accountant
Accountant: Come on
in, sit down, sit down.
(He’s mixing a bright blue concoction)
Captain: What the
hell is that? Some sort of poison?
Accountant: This will
put me into a coma for about a month. By
that time, we’ll be at land. My body
will freeze into a temporary stasis, so I won’t need food. I know rations are getting scarce…
Captain: I forbid you
to drink that coma juice! Givey here!
(Accountant chugs it while holding him off with an
outstretched arm)
Captain: What am I
supposed to do if you die?! I can’t talk
to any of them city slicker folks. They
see me for exactly what I am. No one on
this ship respects me.
Accountant: If you
want people to like you better, show a little bit of confidence here or there. If only there was some sort of way I could do
this work remotely, we wouldn’t be in this situation.
(Duke shouts from upstairs)
Captain come quick!
(Captain runs out)
Captain: A god damn
seamonster?! (Accountant collapses
audibly)
Duke: I don’t know if
it’s a seamonster.
Captain: That was a
goddamn tendril and you know it.
Irregardless, we best be loading up the cannons.
Down below, the munition people are asleep on bunk beds
He shakes a midget, who punches him in the nose. His nose breaks, and he has to pop it back
in. Everyone laughs because it looks
funny.
Captain: Fuck. I’ll kick your ass later, you little midget
asshole. We’ve got a seamonster up there,
arms going crazy.
Don: (Soft spoken,
logical) You want I should go up and
have a look at it?
Captain: We’re
running out of time. What I want you
should do is load up the goddamn cannons.
Don: We don’t have
any ammunition. (Don is upset that he wasn’t
made captain, and is uncooperative)
Captain: What good is
it to employ all of you boys when we don’t even have any ammunition?! Well, we’re going to be killed, aren’t we?
Isaac: Captain, do I
need to remind you again that none of us are trained seaman? Although, we may have a few good ideas! Why don’t we just change course, then?
Captain: We’re out in
open water, no one knows exactly how big this bath tub is. Could change course and end up out here for
days.
Isaac: I don’t know,
we have a general idea.
Captain: The fact of
the matter, Mr. Fancy Pants, is that we should have touched land nary 3 days
ago. If we changed course now, we might
be running out of food.
(Ship starts shaking)
Captain: Lot of good
it did us standing around and talking, looks like we’re on a collision course
with the beast itself.
(They’re back out on the deck)
Captain: Isaac, you
been down there since we took off haven’t you?
Your skin looks like it saw a ghost and went bright white.
Isaac: It’s my
condition. I can’t get too much
sunlight.
Duke: This is too
early in the story for the belly of the whale portion.
Captain: Now relax, Duke,
this creature ain’t got a stomach big enough to swallow our ship. Stab at it with your swords, men! Its suction cups are especially susceptible
to piercing. Kind of a clunky creature,
trying to eat a big old ship like this.
And it’s big eyeballs are right in stabbing distance.
Duke: Yeah, this
isn’t exactly a kraken.
Captain: I almost
feel sorry for the sucker, look at his big overgrown whiskers. Looks like a hobo hasn’t shaved in a while.
They sever a tendril, it reels back in fear.
Don: Look, one of its
big old paws is stuck. I think it got
all tangled up with us on accident.
They cut open the beasts face, and a man wearing a barrel
pulls himself out like he’s just being born.
Don: Another mouth to
feed, what do you say we just toss him back over?
Captain: That’s
inhumane, sir, we won’t be doing that.
Let’s wake this sucker up (he slaps him around a little bit)
Old man: Huh,
what? Where?
Captain: You’re
aboard the SS Constantinople. I’m your
captain, Harvey Blackface. These are my
boys, Don the shipwright, Isaac our marine life specialist, Duke the intern.
Duke: Folklore expert
and writer, actually.
Old man: What’s that
to me?
Captain: What were
you doing inside of that squid’s brain?
Old man: Huh? Oh shit.
Now I remember. Oh shit oh shit
oh shit.
Captain: Calm down
calm down.
Old man: I reckon you
boys don’t know where you’ve sailed yourself into.
Captain: I’m a pretty
competent sailor, I’d like to say. We’re
heading to Montenegro, ever heard of it?
Old man: You boys
have sailed right into the Devil’s triangle.
Captain: Devil’s
triangle?
Duke: I’ve never
heard of such a place.
Old man: Well I kind
of just call it that. (Starts coughing
uncontrollably)
(There’s a tag on the giant squids ear)
Duke: Hey, this squid
is tagged. Do you think that these
waters are moderated?
Captain: Sure, yeah. Hey, that’s a good sign. Must mean we’re getting closer to
civilization.
Old man: You guys got
anything to eat around here?
Captain: Maybe we fry
up this giant squid? Some sort of
octopus soup?
Old man: I ain’t
eating this nasty old octopus. I tasted
it as it tasted me when I was inside of there.
It smells like troll feet.
Captain:
Trollfeet? There’s trolls around
here?
(Suddenly an octopus arm juts out and catches the old man,
suction cup makes a noise and when it comes off he’s got an enormous bloody
circle on his chest)
Duke: Some sort of
old wise man that was.
Don: You have a lot
more compassion for animals than people, huh Duke?
Old man: I resent
that. It’s just as well, however. I don’t even know how old I am, where I’m
from, where I’m going. (aggravated) It’s almost like it attacked because it
didn’t like that I said it tasted like trolls feet.
Captain: Well, we’re
just going to have to cut the head off.
Duke: You can’t cut
the head off! This thing is definitely
an endangered species.
Don: We don’t know
where we are, it’s about survival out here.
Duke: So we lose all ethics just like that?
Don: Well some of us
have to survive in the real world, and some of these questions aren’t as clear
cut.
Duke: Maybe this tag
has a connection to the creatures life, and when it dies they’ll know and come
hunt us down.
Don: Who’s they? And
you know for damn sure there ain’t any technology that can do that.
Duke: Well I’m not
going to prison.
Captain: Well we do have to eat something.
(Captain is asleep in his quarters. He looks at picture of his wife and kids)
Captain: Bernice, how
I miss you. (suddenly he’s extremely
sentimental/his lighter side) The kids,
not so much.
(flashback)
He walks into his lighthouse home with a briefcase
Captain: Honey, I’m
home.
Bernice: (Loud
hacking) Bring any food?
Captain: (Walks into
living room, Bernice is in a fuzzy green chair in front of the TV with a beer
bottle balanced on her stomach.) (Checks
watch) Well, it is after 5. I’ll have one with you.
Bernice: Food, Cap’m.
The kids, too. We gotta eat.
Captain: Those were
good times. Sigh. But nah, being a Captain is better.
(He opens a window.
The rubbery scent of burning squid emanates into his nostrils. A carrier pigeon flies through the window and
he removes the attached letter)
He opens the window and sniffs a pungent odor. Walks out on deck, which is covered in
fumes. Seagulls are huddling up on the
far side of the deck. He shoes them away
with his hat.
Duke: I will not eat
this squid. First of all, it’s purple on
the inside. It smells like melted
rubber.
Don: Go ahead and
starve.
Captain: Don’t we
have any real food left?
Don: No, you ate all of it.
Old man is imprisoned in the dungeon part
Captain: Sorry we
didn’t have a guest room for you, this is the best we can do.
Old man: Blood,
corpses, as far as the eye can see.
Captain: Are you
alright?
Old man: The island
is a volcano.
Captain: What island,
where?
Old man: Even the
animals try to leave. The squid left. Tried to save me, too. And you barbarians killed it…
Duke: I’ve looked
through all of my books of lore, all of my *sneeze*. (Looks around at group of people, no one
blesses him) No one’s going to bless me,
huh? That was a one of a kind
squid. Half expect the old man to start
going on about the ides of March next.
Old man: Those who plunder… will run asunder.
Duke: The compass
tells us we’re going due north… *shakes it* there’s no way this thing is broken
is there?
(Captain grabs compass and throws it into water)
Duke: That’s my
grandfathers!
Captain: Well your
grandpa oughta have taught you to trust your instincts. Do you think my years of expertise could so
easily be replaced by a simple little gadget like that?
Duke: I think you
just about crossed the line, Captain.
Captain: What are you
going to do about it, shrimp?
Duke: I could easily
kill you in your sleep. Or steal your
precious picture of your wife you’re always ogling. You’d do better to never look at that picture
again.
Captain: Watch yourself,
Duke. You’re treading on thin ice.
(Old man moans)
Duke: Hey I think he’s
dead.
Arnold is another shiphand who doesn’t talk much.
Arnold: Why’d you put
him in my bed? I’m the only one who does
any kind of work around here and after slaving for 20 hours…
(Before anyone can say anything, Arnold picks up the body
and walks out onto the deck)
Duke: Whoa what are
you doing?
Captain: I think he’s
overreacting.
(He runs into the door with him trying to carry him through
it lengthwise. A crystal falls out of
his pocket)
Captain grabs it, it glows
Duke: The boon?
The light leads the captain out onto the dock, it points
westward
Duke: According to
legend, this is supposed to point us toward the unkown.
Captain: We’re already
in the unknown. Water, as far as the eye
can see. Like the tundra.
Duke: Well if we
follow that light, it might take us to something even less familiar.
Captain: Less
familiar than what? I know this water
well.
Duke: Like land, Captain.
(Don is at telescope looking out at land)
Don: I don’t like
this, look at the buildings. They’re
taller than we’re used to.
Captain: Tall
buildings a problem for you? You can
stay on the ship if you want to. I’m
going to kiss the land.
Duke: Now let’s not
let what happened last time happen again, Captain.
Captain: What
happened last time?
Duke: We were on land
for months! You completely disappeared
the first few weeks.
Captain: We spend
months at sea, we spend months on land.
It’s only fair.
Duke: This might be
life for you, but I’m supposed to be back before next semester.
Captain: Oh, right,
school. Think about it this way,
Duke. You’re getting real life
experience out here. That’s what you’re
supposed to want as a scholar. No one
wants to hear stories about you sitting around on land in a library reading
books. Isn’t that why you’re here in the
first place?
Duke: I’m here
studying you, I’m not a part of this.
Charles: Isn’t this
suspicious to both of you, all of a sudden land pops up? I don’t know if it doesn’t feel like we
earned it.
Captain: You all were
just complaining twenty minutes ago about the lack of food, seasickness, jaundice. All of a sudden no one else wants to find
land.
Doris: We wanted Montenegro.
Beautiful tropical paradise. A
woman could die comfortably there. Or an
old couple.
Charles: You keep me
out of this, Doris. I will be doing no
such thing. Maybe I’ll even start a new family.
Do you think there will be ladies with hanging…
Doris: You’re the
only one who’s going to be doing any hanging (hits him with hat?)
Duke: Whatever
happened with that old mans body?
(They hear a splash)
Arnold: Yeah sorry it
took me a minute. I’m throwing out all
of the sheets and the mattress as well.
Captain: Why don’t
you just switch with the bunk above yours?
Arnold: I’m not
sleeping underneath where an old man died.
He’s going to haunt us for sure.
Duke: He’s already
haunting me. I’m shocked you guys are so
unaffected by the death of a person on this ship.
Captain: He’s not one
of mine.
Duke: Oh so you’re
into the pirate morality now? Great.
Charles: Someone died
on this ship?!
Captain: It’s alright
it was peaceful. Probably natural
causes.
Doris: I don’t like
people dying on my ship!
Captain: Maybe I pick
up a whole new crew here. Some worthy
seaman.
Doris: Some cruise
this has been. We get attacked by a
giant squid, find an old man inside, and then he dies.
Captain: Well atleast
he left us this rock.
Duke: Hey, I think it’s
giving away our location. Look, they’re
gathering on the shore.
(Don comes running out)
Don: We can’t go this
way, turn the ship around.
Captain: What, do you
recognize something?
Don: No, I just have
a bad feeling about this.
Captain: We’ll do no
such thing.
Don: I was hoping I
wouldn’t have to do this. (grabs Duke) I’ll kill him, you know I’ll do it.
Captain: Makes no difference to me. You really should have grabbed me. But then I don’t know who you’d negotiate
with.
Don: Turn the wheel
Captain: No. Besides, that isn’t even how ships work. I turn the wheel, it slowly maneuvers around. It’s not like I can do a Y turn and turn
around, we’re 200 feet away.
