I have always felt this unexplainable pressure to push myself harder. No one has ever explained to me what I'm supposed to do, or work towards, or be. The term "Jack of All Trades" never made sense to me until recently, when I finally pieced together the fact that only being pretty good at a majority of things, and nothing with no possibility for capital return.
So, I thought I'd try to write a book. The key to this is to try to write every day. Recently reading Haruki Murakami's book about running at work, I became privy to the information that most writers should try to do so 3 hours a day. So, it's supposed to be something that becomes natural. Raymond Chandler would sit at his desk with a closed door each day for 3 hours regardless of if any ideas would come to him. This must have been a lot easier to do before there were so many distractions. First of all, I'm used to writing on computers. This means there's Facebook. Also, videogames. Everyone in our current generation probably has a degree of attention deficit disorder. It's not even a disease, just a generalized statement which explains the malaise that prevents me and my friends from accomplishing anything. It's about replacing bad habits with good ones. Creating some sort of consistency or balance. Gravity is equal to centrifugal force. A growth in population correlates to lower life expectancy. When my friend shaves his beard off I start growing one. It's one of those unstated laws of the universe. Time and effort are equal to production. Sounds simple until you aren't writing and all of the Saturday night goings-on that sounded boring earlier now start sounding great.
Anyway, so the book thing. Stephen King has a book called "On Writing", (Which I think is a tongue in cheek reference to "On Writing Well") in which he explains writing a novel as digging up a fossil. He says you just have characters, put them in a predicament, and it all figures itself out. The problem here is that I don't want anything to happen to my characters. I enjoy movies where nothing happens, or at the very least there's little conflict. I don't need a villain. I want to watch charismatic people charm each other and make me believe that there are people out there who could bring that out in me. Like there's someone out there who is a catalyst and can reawaken my passion for running around and effectively being a person. You need to have someone you want to go out and do things with. Someone that represents you well and you want to be seen with. This seems to be asking too much.
So, writing also is supposed to come from experience. I have a lot of experience. The majority of adventures I go on are so I can have stories to tell everyone about later on. But then again I don't know how to talk on an interpersonal level without alcohol. But, going out drinking doesn't seem constructive. So instead I'm at home trying to force myself to write something to feel constructive. Digging that fossil out is difficult until I can figure out what animal that fossil is. Now that I'm trying to write a novel, I feel like I should be writing a song. It's like the prize fighters getting into a squabble at the weigh-in, before the fight even starts.
This is the calmest I've felt in awhile. Presence of mind tied to the organization of thoughts. Your subconscious is a mother hoping your rational mind and body succeed. It's happy to see any kind of progress. It likes to know you can do this if you try hard enough.
Also, it's a lot easier to write when you hope no one finds what you've written. An element of risk and reward. It has to become fun. Balance. Why does risk improve enjoyment? I should have settled down and been happy when I was 16 years old. Trust is the biggest risk of all.
This is a warm up. I don't care what kind of rambling word frenzies I get into or how scatterbrained I sound, it feels like I smashed that word pinata. Wish me luck, everybody.
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